17 Nov 10 - 24 Nov 10

10:57 AM

Hey everyone.

I'm better this week. I've spent a lot of time learning to not care. Everyone's gone through that point in there life where they're tired of feeling so they shut their emotions off to not hurt any more. Well, I've once again gone onto that stage. I just keep thinking that since I'm not in a companionship, whatever happens won't fall on my head. It's worked so far. I'm a lot happier now. We show up late to everything because my companion has no sense of time and believes that the world revolves around him, but with my new carefree attitude, whatever happens, I won't get blamed! Because at least I was on time.

So, I'm sorry I was negative last week. I don't really have any way of venting and I don't want to repress emotions. It's not good for you. Since I came out on a mission, I can't believe I ever saw missionaries as anything more or less than human. How could I think that? They're... we're just twenty something year olds trying to do what's right. We make mistakes, we goof around, we have personalities. To expect perfection from someone like that is to expect disappointment. Which is why, a lot of members don't like the missionaries. Because we fall short of their standards.

And it feels like this mission is trying to create a perfect missionary. One who serves 24/7, no breaks, no fun, no thinking outside of what you're told to do. I can't handle that. I think too much. I like fun too much. I like sleep too much to work 24/7. I'm not a robot. I'm not a zombie. I'm not a sheep or a parrot or any of those things. I'm real. And people can't handle that.

But all in all, I'm thankful that I came out on a mission even though it's really hard. It's seems like the only way I can progress is through trials. If someone would have asked me two years ago how I thought I'd grow on the mission, I never would have told them what I know now. Course I can't really say what I know now because of how much I've grown. Spiritually most of all. And if I had the option to go back and change things I'd refuse. I like who I am right now. I don't necessarily like what I'm going through though.

It's like Jesus Christ. He was perfect, but he did not have a perfect life. If you could imagine how your life would be like if it were perfect, just remember, God has imagined it better than you. If you want that life, sometimes you have to wade across a river of mud to get there. If I want to reach the top of the mountain, I'm first going to have to climb those steep slopes.

As Alphonse Elric puts it: Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost.

Does this apply here?

Later,
Elder Garcia

--
Mark 9: 23